There are times where all I need is space. There are other times where all I want to do is be with the one I love. Trying to find the balance is harder then it seems. When I start to think that I’m actually happy, reality gives me another chance at determining my own emotions. I think I’m the worst for toying with emotions; toying with my own.

I was once in love with love itself. I have this sick fascination with the shape of hearts. I once found it amazing how hearts could fit into one another; how you could draw them simultaneously side by side without lifting up your pen. It’s true, you should try it. I’m in love with a boy, he knows it. He doesn’t understand what I’d do though.

Do you know the feeling of wanting to be with someone so bad, you’d do anything? I’m pretty sure we all do. I’ll do anything to maintain this relationship. Even if it’s physically leaving the equation. I’m running away and giving up.

The words “I love you” now seem like those childish metaphors for trying to feel wanted. I realize now, how my relationships all have felt different from one another. I’m uncertain of how to make you happy. You’re not happy.

Should we end this? Should we continue? I don’t know anymore. I know you’re reading this, and I need you to let me know if it’s even worth it anymore.

You have a month honey. However for now, I’m Calgary bound.

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